


so disappear now, i won't get in your way (can't find paradise on the ground).

by bravad0



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Basically the finale tore my feels to pieces so this is me getting all the angst I can out, F/M, aka this is really angsty because that's all I can actually write, fluff constantly escapes me, post 2x16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-17 13:08:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3530561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bravad0/pseuds/bravad0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The aftermath that follows Clarke's decision to leave Camp Jaha behind and how Bellamy and everyone deals with the Clarke-shaped hole in their lives.</p><p>*Spoilers for Blood Must Have Blood, Part 2* / Partly inspired by All We Do by Oh Wonder</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. goodbyes

Bellamy knows the first person he should tell is Abby. Clarke is, after all, her daughter and she has a right to know that she isn't coming back.

But there's always been a part of the old him that he can't shake: his selfishness.

Instead, he tells Octavia, someone he thought would understand. His little sister is gone, however, replaced by a make-up smeared face of the very people they had struggled to survive against not too long ago. The same people who had abandoned the 48 -- No, 45, now -- and left them to rot. He could have been bitter, could have been angry at the Grounders, but he knew that Lexa had done what she had to do to save her people. Just like he and Clarke had pulled the lever down together, he was just as responsible for the dead children and the people who had helped his own people as she was. It would be easier to blame anyone but himself, but nothing has ever been easy for Bellamy Blake.

Octavia simply stares at him, shaking her head as if she knew something that he didn't about Clarke.

"You don't get it, do you?" She asks him, bitter amusement lining her features as she shook her head. " _Clarke changed, I changed_. She let them bomb TonDC, she knew that the missiles were coming and _she let it happen_. She's not a princess anymore, Bell. She let all those innocent people die and saved her own ass and all she could do was say sorry and give everyone that look, you know the one where she wants to cry but doesn't quite get there? She killed them, she knew what she was doing, she still did it."

He's at a loss for words, because Octavia has always been rebellious... But this, this is different and he feels like he doesn't know her anymore. Clarke wasn't evil, her decisions were questionable, but she wasn't a bad person. She did what had to be done, she always had.

"O..." He starts, opening and shutting his mouth as he tries to gather his thoughts. "It was always going to be us or them. They would never stop... And the Grounders? How long did you think the treaty was going to last? Lexa... She's a good Commander, but you know that the others don't want us here. She left us for dead in there, I could've died in Mount Weather and you would've been waiting by that door for the rest of your life if it wasn't for Clarke."

His voice steadily raises in volume the entire time he speaks, willing her to see that Clarke wasn't entirely in the wrong.

Her only response is a stony gaze as Lincoln approached the scene, a slightly concerned expression flickering behind his dark eyes before disappearing. It was clear to him that he wasn't going to change her opinion of the other female any time soon... So much for understanding.

Scoffing at her stubbornness, Bellamy gives his sister one last glance before walking away. He suddenly understands Clarke's need to be alone, because he feels the exact same way right now.

\--

It takes a little over two days for the rest of the 45 and Camp Jaha to notice Clarke's absence, with the medical bay wanting to check every single person who had been held in Mount Weather and the rest of the camp keeping busy as Chancellor Griffin recovered. Bellamy almost walks in a trance, going through the motions of it all, and escapes to the drop ship during the nights to rest there.

It's the only place that he's ever felt like he's had control of his life, it's also the first place that he can get some peace and quiet at. Even though the thoughts that crowd his mind with the quiet cause nightmares of the lifeless eyes of the innocent children in Mount Weather or Clarke's demise, this place is the only piece of her that he has left.

On the third night, he finds Jasper there. It's evident he's been crying, red-rimmed and puffy eyes glance over at him as he sits with the graves that they laid people to rest in. He notices a new one, just two pieces of wood nailed together with his goggles hanging over the cross section and no fresh dirt. For Maya, he thinks a little belatedly as he takes a seat next to the dark-haired boy.

"Hey." He speaks, his voice a little hoarse from disuse.

"She's gone." Jasper replies, looking over at him, a mixture of sadness and anger in his eyes. "Clarke ran away because she couldn't take knowing that she killed all those people. What am I left with?"

Bellamy knows that he has to find the right words to say, because this is a sensitive subject for Jasper, he's lost a lot in this too. But, god, he's so tired. Everything that both he and Clarke had done was to save them all. When had she become the bad guy and he the good one? He'd much prefer taking the brunt of it, so long as it meant that she didn't have to.

"You think you're the only one who lost something, Jasper? Lincoln lost his entire clan, his way of life. Monty lost you, you won't even look him in the eye since you two got back. Raven lost her leg, Finn lost his life, I lost..." He almost says Clarke for a moment, but stops to collect himself. "If there was one thing that was clear, it was that Maya knew exactly what she was doing. She knew that it would always come to this: you living, her dying. She was terrified, sure, we all were. She gave up her life for you, don't let that be in vain. Don't let her sacrifice be a reason to be angry and sad, that's not the point. She died so you could live, so do that."

As soon as he finishes, Bellamy stands up and brushes the dirt from his mud-caked pants. Jasper didn't have to listen to him, but he had said what he needed to and there was no use in sticking around to watch his moment of weakness.

So, he makes the trek back to the camp, finding Monty lurking in the shrubs, undoubtedly trying to keep an eye out for his best friend.

"He needs someone right now, no matter how much it seems he doesn't. We all know I can't be that person." Bellamy tells him, eyes straight ahead rather than on the other man. Monty's response is only a nod, a quiet air of confidence only he could have in the motion, before he walks away.

\--

"Bellamy, what a surprise!" Abby smiles at him, propping herself up on her elbows in the cot next to Raven's. Kane and Wick are in the room too, the former's eyebrows shooting up at his presence.

To say the least, Bellamy feels uncomfortable. He'd left Abby for last, because he couldn't predict what was to come when he told her. The only person who could truly predict Abby Griffin's reactions was Clarke and it was clear that she wasn't aware of her situation right now.

"Bellamy? Where's Clarke?" Raven asks from her own bed, a quizzical look on her face.

He doesn't expect to wince as if he were in pain just from hearing her name, but he does and it takes him a minute or so to recover.

"That's actually why I'm here..." He trails off, a slight tremor in his voice throws everyone in the room off. "She's gone."

"Gone? What do you mean by gone?" Kane replies, stepping over to the younger man's side as his expression turns from one of question to concern. Abby, on the other hand, knew exactly what he had meant and had laid back down on her cot. He knows better than anyone that the look on her face is one of stunned loss.

"That _bitch_." Raven spits out, only the beginning of the string of profanities leaving her lips. "She doesn't just get to run away, no. That isn't fair, I didn't run away when she killed Finn. She's a coward!"

"Stop," Bellamy finally snaps, anger decorating his features. "Don't you dare say that about her, Raven. You didn't kill a whole city of Grounders, you didn't flip the switch and kill innocent children and men and women, all just to get everyone left from the drop ship back! She couldn't take it, she couldn't take seeing all your faces and realizing that she had done something so inherently wrong and against her nature to get everyone back! She couldn't take Octavia blaming her, Jasper blaming her, even you, for doing what you all knew was the only choice!" He manages to get out before his own ball of anger crumples in on itself. "She did what she had to do and she couldn't take it, neither can I."

The whole room is silent after that, Raven shifting in her bed as she let out a huff and Abby staring at the ceiling of the piece of the Ark that landed with them. Wick bounces from one foot to another, in an awkward bind as he's never really personally talked to Clarke, or Bellamy for that matter. Kane is the only one really moving, murmuring into his ear that he'll set up a search party for Clarke.

"No, she wants to be alone. Let her have that. If she wants to come back, she will." Bellamy responds, the fight going out of him entirely.

\--

A week later, Bellamy permanently moves his tent to the drop ship. It's still the only place that feels like his and Clarke's.

\--

A month later, Monty, Jasper, and Miller pitch their own alongside his. It's when he knows that they've forgiven Clarke for what she's done and there's something wonderfully comfortable about that.

\--

Eventually, the rest of the 45 follow suit, Octavia (with Lincoln, of course) and Raven being the last to join them. Because as angry as they are with her, they still love and miss Clarke. So if she were ever to return here, she'd know that she's forgiven. She'll know that all they want is for her to be back with the people she belongs with, _her_ people. They've never been anything else, they're Clarke's people and he's only filling in as their leader until she returns.

\--

It takes awhile longer for Bellamy to convince himself that she _is_ coming back. It's been months, but his hope for her is slowly returning and fighting off the numbness that he's surrounded himself in.

It's late one night as he's pulling watch at the edge of the forest with his back leaned against a tree trunk when he allows himself to feel it all over again. Just because he's suppressed it and pushed it down when it reared its ugly head doesn't mean that it hurts any less. In fact, it probably hurts more now. Quietly, as to not disturb anyone and have them wander into his private moment, Bellamy weeps.

He weeps for the lives he's taken, for Octavia, for the Grounders that gave up their lives for their cause, for those who didn't deserve their fate in Mount Weather, for the 55 that didn't make it, for Finn and Wells, for Abby who's lost both her husband and daughter, and finally, Clarke.

After, when the calm has settled in and his sniffs no longer sound quite as pathetic, Bellamy looks to the sky and the stars.

" _May we meet again_." He whispers as his fingers ghost over the cheek she had pressed her lips against the last time they saw each other.


	2. hellos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's return to Camp Jaha, a year and a half later.

It's been a long year and a half for Clarke, unforseen circumstances occurring the minute she had step foot out into the forest alone. Solitude had become her friend of sorts, her tired feet and aching bones propelling herself forward, her mind screaming at her for all her mistakes and the massacres that she had been responsible for.

The nights had been hardest, the eerie quiet and the darkness had both given her a reason to fear... But what she had feared most was closing her eyes and seeing all those she had killed, whether it had been by her own hand or her fault: her father, Wells, Roma, Finn, and especially those who had been innocent in Mount Weather. She had sins to repent for and many things to mourn in silence with her people left in the more-than-capable hands of Bellamy.

Bellamy, who had begged her in his own way not to go, but who she had also known would understand if she chose to leave. Bellamy, who had tried to take half the blame when she had pulled the lever, but the look in his eyes mere seconds before the action had spoken volumes differently. Bellamy, who had always been strong and faithful in her eyes.

She had wandered aimlessly until she had reached the sea, the smell of salt and the cool breeze snapping her awake. With it came the Sea People, who's allegiance was far more fluid than the Grounders, she assumed it had something to do with Lexa and what she had done in Mount Weather. They let her come and go as she pleased, clothed her after they had discovered how threadbare her own had become, and fed her when she had nearly salivated her at the sight and smell of fish on her first night.

\--

When the guilt finally lifted from her mind, the memories of the dead no longer haunting her at night, it was then that she decided to make the trek back to Camp Jaha. Not unaccompanied, of course, the Sea People had grown quite fond of her in their time together. Though she knew that her mother, Kane, and Bellamy were some of the most practical people she knew, she couldn't help but to wonder in what shape they were all in.

Had they survived the winter? When snow had peppered the ground, the animals scarcer than they had been before. Had they bartered with the Grounders despite Lexa's betrayal (no matter how well meaning it had been, it was still just that: a betrayal)? More importantly, how angry a lot of the 45 had been or still were and if her mother would ever forgive her for leaving without a word.

__

As they approached the camp, Clarke couldn't help but notice the stark changes that they had implemented since her departure: steel walls forged from the remnants of the Ark, an electric fence surrounding the wall in case anyone decided to get too close, and guards posted high up on the wall with spears and arrows (no doubt the work of Lincoln and Octavia) as well as guns. She could hear them sounding the alarm as they drew close, no doubt not recognizing her with her sunken cheeks, dark circles underneath her eyes, two black marks on her left cheek for every war that she's fought in, her hair in braids, and foreign clothing.

She's not the Clarke they'll remember, she's not even the Clarke she remembers anymore.

In fact, she's not even sure what she'll say to them at this point, just that she's alive and she came to visit. The Sea People weren't exactly home, but she didn't feel as though she'd belong here anymore than she did there. At least there, there wouldn't be the whispers of what she had done surrounding her and the inevitable glances at her as though she were a wounded animal who no one was sure was rabid and needed putting down or someone to genuinely take care of her. At this point, she wasn't sure what she was either.

\--

It's minutes later that she sees a group of people crowding the gate, two familiar figures in the front. Her mother stood there with Kane, more grey hairs lining their scalps than she remembered, his arms crossed and her jaw clenched. It was clear to Clarke that something had recently happened with the Grounders to warrant this sort of behavior from them, so she gently pushed her way in front of her own group as if she were the one in charge.

"We weren't expecting anyone for quite awhile and Commander Lexa would surely send word before she would, so who are you and what exactly is it that you want?" Kane shouted from his spot, distrust clear in his tone.

"Yes, please explain why you--" Abby added on before stopping herself mid sentence, recognition lighting up her features as she stood frozen.

With a small smile playing on her own lips, Clarke lengthened her stride until she reached her mother. Before she could even get out a word, Abby had grabbed her daughter's slim figure and pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

"Hi, mom." She managed to murmur into her ear, tears welling up in her eyes as she could feel her mother's body being wracked with sobs. "I'm sorry for leaving, I just... I had to."

"Don't apologize, you're here now." Abby replied, pulling away briefly to look Clarke in the eye as she spoke, meaning every single word.

Kane's own hand was clasped against Clarke's shoulder, a proud and fond smile on his own face. Ever the voice of reason, he asked the one thing that she was dreading. "Are you here to stay?"

"I... Don't know yet." She responded, hesitantly. Her mother's body goes rigid at that and it eventually takes some coaxing from both of them for her to let go of Clarke. After all, she still has others she needs to see... Namely, the 45.

\--

Jasper is the first person she sees out of all of them, sitting at the edge of the archery range with his head propped on his hands which are propped on his knees. His hair is a lot shaggier than she remembered, his skinny frame a little fuller than before, and goggle-less which she isn't sure whether or not is a good indication or not. It's only been twenty minutes since her arrival, so word hasn't spread through the camp yet, which makes the mix of emotions on his face all the more entertaining before he practically attacks her.

Gawky limbs pushed her down as he launched himself at her, tackling her to the ground as he shouted her name over and over again. Relieved at the fact that he had seemingly forgiven her for what she had done, Clarke laughed as she held him, a sound so startlingly unfamiliar since she had left that it genuinely surprised her to hear it being released from her mouth.

"Clarkewhatareyoudoinghere? Wherehaveyoubeen? Areyouback?" Jasper got out in one breath before he brushed himself off and helped her off the ground as well.

"Yeah, are you back?" Someone behind her chimed in quietly, his voice so utterly familiar and comforting that a slow smile starts off on her face yet again before she even does so much as turn around and pull Monty in for yet another hug. It's becoming a thing, she guesses and she doesn't even try so much as to deny that she loves it because she hasn't seen her boys in so long.

"I'm not sure, to be honest, but I wanted to come back to make sure everyone was alright... And to see if people had forgiven for what I did." She replied, biting the inside of her cheek before glancing at Jasper.

It takes a moment for him to process it, his eyes widening before he shrugged. "You did what you thought you had to do, Clarke. None of us would have survived if you hadn't." was his reply, sounding as though he had told himself this over a million times in the course of the time she had been gone. Despite his words, there was a far away look in his eyes that had never been there before as he gave her a sad smile. "We all had to make sacrifices."

Monty's grip tightened on her when Jasper uttered those words, sending a chill down her spine to remind her that none of them were who they had been when they first landed on the drop ship.

\--

Like two leeches, Monty and Jasper clung to her as she ventured into the shell of the Ark to find the one person she knew would be here and not out at the drop ship where the rest of the 45 were. They chatted with her to keep her mind off of Raven's sharp tongue, excitedly chatting over one another and asking her what she had done since she had left. Amused, she tried to answer their questions as best as she could before they could ask another.

The mechanic's back was turned to her as she entered the room, Wick next to her with their heads bowed towards whatever it was they were working on. A new brace adorned her leg, no doubt by the other mechanic's design, and Clarke chuckled at the thought of the argument that must've ensued before Raven had finally agreed to wear it instead of hers.

This prompted the both of them to turn around, Wick nearly jumping in surprise before his jaw dropped as he took in Clarke's form.

Raven, however, was a different story. As soon as she recognized who it was standing in front of her, she strode to her and shoved the blonde back. "You _bitch_! How could you go see _Jasper_ and _Monty_ before me? Are you shitting _me_?" She demanded, her questions prompting a rebuttal from Jasper and a loud sigh from Monty.

"I missed you too, Raven." Clarke replied, rolling her eyes in mock annoyance. And she really had missed Raven, she was the one person who wouldn't question where she had been or what she had done since her disappearance.

"Shut up and hug me, Griffin." She spoke before pulling her into a bear hug with enough force to break her bones, but that wasn't to say that she didn't love it.

"Thanks for taking care of her while I was gone." Clarke nodded to Wick before receiving a smack against her back.

"Are you kidding? I was the one taking care of him. Kyle can't even tie his shoes without my help."

\--

After she had wasted enough time avoiding the one person she was nervous to see, Clarke (along with the group that absolutely refused to leave her side as if to make up for lost time) ventured to the drop ship. They had all told her the story of how Bellamy had moved there not long after she had left, finding solace in the big metal shell of a ship that had once been their homes. They had also told her that they were practically running their own camp from there, the 45 had all opted to move out there after her departure, knowing that she would return home if she ever did.

And they were right, because as soon as she stepped foot into the gates of the community, Clarke felt as if she had arrived home. If she had wanted to stay with the Sea People, this had completely changed her mind. Seeing the faces of all those she had saved and the gratitude that shined in their eyes as they stopped to stare at her immediately made her want to cry. Miller, Harper, Fox, all these people that she had saved and all the faces that she thought would remind her of nothing but death only reminded her of the opposite.

This was home, these were her people, she belonged nowhere else. This, she knew for certain now.

" _Klark kom Skaikru_ , welcome back." Lincoln greeted gently as they arrived in front of the ship itself as dozens of people milled around her, a bright smile decorating her features.

"It was about time." Someone shouted over the noise, descending from the hatch, her face surprisingly free of make up. "You know we've been waiting for you for over a year? You could've came back a month after everything and we would've all have forgiven you already." Octavia spoke, amusement colouring her words.

"Well, how was I supposed to know?" Clarke replied, equally as amused as she pushed herself forward to reach the Blake sister before giving her a similar embrace as Raven had given her.

"By coming back sooner." was her rebuttal before she let go of the blonde. "Lincoln and I have some things to take care of... But I expect you to tell me everything when we're done. And I mean, _everything_."

Grinning, Clarke could only nod before Octavia headed towards the gate with Lincoln in tow. He gave her a warm nod before he turned back to her, quiet adoration in his eyes. It was nice to see that some things never changed.

"By the way, Bellamy should be back in about an hour!" The younger Blake called out before disappearing herself.

\--

Nervous and fidgeting, Clarke had finally convinced everyone to let her meet Bellamy by herself. Now, she was pacing back and forth in front of the gate as she tried to gather her thoughts and come up with something to say when she first saw him. After a year and a half of not seeing him, she was still coming up blank.

Thankfully, she didn't have to wait much longer for him to arrive. As the doors opened and she saw him, his hair a bit tidier than before as it seemed he had recently had a haircut and a lot tanner than he had been originally, all she could do was stare. It took him a moment to see her as well, his expression turning from serious to shocked, upset, happy, and finally an emotion she couldn't quite recognize that she was definitely going to ask about after this.

Almost immediately afterwards, he dropped the bow in his right hand and the string of rabbits in his other and barreled his way to her just as she practically ran into his arms. Before she knew it, she was enveloped in Bellamy Blake, her arms around his torso and his tight around hers with no indication of letting go. Though she wasn't entirely sure, she could practically hear him asking if this was real, if she was real, if this wasn't just a damn dream and she wasn't an illusion. Most of all, however, all she could feel was this sense that she was exactly where she belonged and that she fit nearly perfectly in his arms.

This was all she needed: her people and Bellamy Blake.

Forgiving herself had taken a year and a half, but finding herself again had been a different story. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it!
> 
> Find me on my tumblr, lcststars (possibly 1x1 with me and be my friend, basically).

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, please forgive me, because I was far too emotional for my own good after the season finale. I wanted to stop myself from writing this, but everything just came spilling out before I could. I really don't think I'll continue this since fluff isn't really my thing and anything from then on could be considered fluff with a Bellarke reunion. 
> 
> Though, please still comment and leave kudos, I may be convinced to write just a lead up to her return and having Bellamy be the last person she sees!
> 
> PS Please forgive me for any errors as this is un-beta'd and it's currently 12AM.


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